Feliz Navidad everyone.

New Year --- here we come.


May 5th, 2005

Thank you for you love compadre, it has been a while I know. Listen Jesus, I wanted to talk a little bit about what happened yesterday and try to speak my heart. You know how I was hoping to run into her online? You know how much I think about her and especially how this last week she has been in my thoughts. The thing is that once I did, I wasn't sure what to say and apparently I hardly ever say the appropriate thing. I want so badly to reach out to her, to say something that will encourage her, but it seems I get absorbed into this attitude of wanting to hear her say something definite now, I let my feelings overcome me and end up saying the first thing that comes to mind without praying or even stopping to fully consider her current circumstance.
It is almost like I carry an attitude of needing to hear her say something that will give me hope. I know this is wrong and I need Your help to change this. I know that it really is not that hard to trust You about her, to have faith and not worry that You are in control and are there with her and are no doubt being faithful to speak to her heart. I know it is senseless to worry or think that there is something that I can do to make it easier or whatever ... it is easy to see this once I am calm and composed.
You know that this whole situation has been hard for me; I know that this has been hard for her too, perhaps not so much in letting things go, as in my case, but rather in embracing the future, she is full of uncertainty and has questions in her mind that she has difficulty formulating. I am having a hard time embracing the future as well; my questions may be different in that I do not understand why.
The good thing was that she sounded happy ... she seems to have a gift for staying positive about things, many a times she helped to pull me out of slumps and was more of an encouragement than she will ever know. I know our relationship was far from perfect, many doomed it to defeat from day one, but I know that you allowed us to be together to help us stretch our faith, to help us open our eyes and for me, to make me vulnerable in order to learn what love really is. I have come to see this separation as a blessing, a difficult blessing but nonetheless one that has allowed me to rise above and come out of the selfish little world I lived in.
To be honest I feel like I am failing a little bit more everyday in what it is You are asking of me. You know all of my thoughts but it seems to help me when I get it all out. Thank you for listening. Jesus, please ease this pain, please remove my feelings, I cannot carry this anymore, I know I've never had to and I have brought this on myself but I cannot help having those moments when I feel like my heart is constantly screaming in silence and my thoughts are confined to worry, uncertainty and sadness.
My life has been so blessed, so full of love, I have no room to complain, your love has overwhelmed me ... I am not asking you to help me feel as if I will never need anyone or anything again either; I know that as long as I have you I will be fine, but I am asking you to please rewire me, do away with me presets, my desires and anything that may not be in line with what is Your will for me.
I love her Lord, she is like a permanent water mark that appears to be invisible, unnoticed to the eye, seeming to be erased until that moment when my heart is squeezed the tears flow and the truth could never be more obvious. If it is your will for that mark to remain as a constant reminder, then please give me your supernatural love so I can wear the scar boldly ... and then let me forget about myself and turn to the needs of others. Take away my selfishness in wanting to hold onto this and make me the blessing that I need to be.
Please also do look after her heart. Keep it in your care, give her the desires of her heart and help her to find the peace and happiness she seeks. Give her faith to hear Your voice and to set aside her own thoughts, fears concerns and worries. Help her to be faithful to call out to You and in those moments she feels her faith wavering to seek Your word.
I will not be redundant, thanks for understanding. If you have anything to say, you know how much I treasure your advice, counsel and encouragement ... I am listening.


The human heart is a beautiful thing. It is the place within your temple where the physical and spiritual meet. It is your sanctuary. I designed it so that it could be filled with My love. Nothing else can fill that space. You know how it is said that there is a constant struggle between your heart and mind? Well rest assured I hold the key to your heart, once you have asked Me to come in I never leave you.

Sometimes it seems like you are alone, when you allow the cares of this life, its worries its fears, uncertainties and seemingly paramount concerns cloud your perception, when you lose sight of why it is you have been given the greatest gift of all; the opportunity to live a life of love. You know, it seems unnatural to be genuinely unselfish, to prefer others needs, the happiness and love of others to your own hurt, it is not easy. Your flesh longs to make its self happy, to soak up all the beauty this world has to offer. This in its self is not wrong. I want you to be happy, but there comes a time when you have seen the needs of others and when I ask you to take the love you have for Me a step further and allow Me to use you, allow Me to make you more than just a recipient of my love.

It is more blessed to give than to receive. Because as you know, all the beauty of this life, all the joy it has to offer, the love you now in this physical realm will never be enough. These are the moments that count, this is when that struggle is takes on a vivid form and you are faced with decisions that fulfill your destiny.

You have to choose to answer the call. Remember that I love you, just you --you stand before me alone and I know you like no other. The ones you hold dear, they stand alone before Me as well, they belong to Me, I will not let them go either --- you have to trust Me on this. The greatest manifestation of your love for them is recognizing that your love will never be enough and doing what you can to help them come to know Me intimately.
Let go --- do not hold back --- empty yourself ---

Be happy! Cut the drama! Forget about you and think about others.

Pray, yes, but then act as if I have already taken care of it, because I have! Smile! Laugh! Look ahead and do not live in shadows of fear.

You will be alright. I promise that you will look back and see that the heartache is a small price to pay for the happiness to be found in trusting Me and finding the peace you long for.
Now give Me a hug and let our tears of joy wipe away the fear and frustration. Remember that the here and now is not forever and beyond, but deeds of love and kindness, those live on forever.