Perhaps it's only I but It seems to me that as people we can sometimes become so absorbed in making sure the life we live is filled with purpose, so occupied in ensuring that we are indeed doing the most we can towards an end goal, so consumed with becoming the best we can be in whatever direction our choice of life has been; that we begin to miss out on the beauty of the journey, the importance of the experience.
Is it possible to become so involved in our perception of what is the best that we fail to appreciate the importance and depth of the learning experience. Can our perception reach a point where it begins to distract us from the fact that if indeed we are here to learn to love then the most important thing is not just arriving at our destination but how we choose to reach it?
If mistakes equal good then let us not be afraid of what we will discover through them for in accepting that we are here to learn and that the end goal is not perfection let us enjoy the journey of discovery and growth, all the while allowing the beacon of love to guide us.
How does one choose to forsake a personal desire, be it a dream, aspiration or perception; when one knows that not doing so will come only at the price of unhappiness to those we love. If love is believing in others, then I choose to believe. If hope and faith abound in the presence of love, I choose love again. For love is believing, understanding and accepting that the one who loves us guides the paths we take, and if we allow Him to guide then the love within our hearts will reach others in ways far beyond those we could even begin to imagine. We can never lose by giving and although it may seem difficult to give our lives to something noble and grandiose, we may indeed discover that the greater challenges are found in those decisions where what is at stake is shedding the faith in ourselves alone and choosing instead to embrace faith in others.
...en aquel tiempo eran muchos los que se retiraban a la soledad de los montes a meditar.
...y eran muchos los que en el silencio de los volcanes nevados y de los pequeños valles ocultos, Se buscaban a sí mismos...
"...aquellos que buscan el Silencio en la calma nunca lo encontrarán desnudo.
...para desnudarlo hay que buscarlo entre el bullicio.
Díganme:
¿de qué sirve a un corazón tener calma en medio de la soledad?, ¿a poco no es como la calma que tiene un lago estancado en un valle?
...mas, ¡Que grande es un corazón cuando en medio de las dificultades y los problemas conserva la calma y se viste con el Silencio!
...es como el torrente que resbala sereno por la ladera de la montaña...
...algunos van a lugares donde lo más que les molesta es el canto de un pajarillo o el sonido que arranca el viento a las hojas de los árboles...
Y piensan:
...estoy tranquilo y sereno en este lugar, ya he alcanzado la calma y el Silencio es amigo de mi corazón...
...pero cuando vienen al bullicio, sus pulsos se agitan y sus corazones se alteran, y sus pensamientos chocan con violencia en sus frentes,
y yo les preguntaría:
¿dónde guardaron la calma?, ¿qué morada le prepararon en sus pechos que tan pronto se les fue?
...sepan que aquel que busca el Silencio interior debe encontrarlo en medio de los ruidos y de las voces y de los gritos, y tomándolo debe sentarlo en su corazón, y al escucharlo ya no oirá hacia fuera sino hacia dentro...
...y en verdad les digo, que ni cien tormentas, ...ni la explosión de mil volcanes podrían ya nunca separarlo de él...
...para buscar pues, la calma Interior, no vayan adonde todo es calma sino adonde no hay paz, y sean ustedes la paz. De esta forma la encontrarán al darla, y la tendrán en la medida en que vean que otros necesitan de ustedes para calmarse..."
-Quetzalcóatl
I tell you, when I read this so many things fell into place in my mind; there is nothing like distinctly seeing the truth in a matter. While talking to a friend this evening about life and it's occurrences, I realized just how much I am learning to love my soft spots.
Let Me leave a soft spot:
You naturally think that a complete victory would mean you feel nothing for them and that you have no reaction at all to anything having to do with them. Yet in reality, that may not be the most desirable form of victory. A longer-lasting victory may be one of overcoming and rising above the intense pain and struggle, and yet in the end retaining a "soft spot" of feelings that come up from time to time as a reminder of what you have been through and a reminder of your own weakness.
...The prayer of your heart should be that I will work however I see fit; that I will keep you soft, keep you connected, through whatever means I see fit.
—ML#3611, Jesus is Enough
It simply comes down to the fact that you are first and above all a spiritual being. And only when you learn that happiness‚ fulfillment‚ and satisfaction only come through satisfying your spiritual nature will you be truly happy. As long as you're giving anything carnal—any carnal desire, any carnal nature, any carnal proclivity or tendency—a higher priority than the needs of your spirit, you will not find true satisfaction.
—ML#3611, Jesus is Enough
I’m presently schooling a group of five 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders. Fun bunch. They have a way of not only coming up with the most interesting of questions, but of also making the most intrepid statements about their surroundings and the people they know.
You know how as a parent or caretaker you at one time or another experience a situation where you have to at a later time point out to the little person that the unrestrained voicing of their opinion can be rude and embarrassing? Yet, other times, they seem to see right through people and you can’t help but tend to agree with their take on things.
Well, it’s at those moments that you pause, hesitant on whether you need to steer the conversation in a different direction; or, ask yourself if there really is a need to say anything at all.
I usually give them a pensive look and encourage them to explore other possibilities of what really may be as I contain my laughter, yet other times I can’t help but beam a smile and think, “I knew it wasn’t just me!”
Thank God for children and for how they remind me of how important it is to be honest with my self.
Man - it had been a long time since I had felt like someone took all the thoughts I wanted to acknowledge as my own and put them into the words I struggled to grasp but just could not find.
- I believe I feel the same way regarding love in that I will always love those I have loved and not think it odd - I have not closed myself off to it even though at times I have tried, I have realized that that is what I am like. However, I know that I have hurt others who had a real hard time with that mentality; the *I love everyone different, the love I have for so and so is completely different and taking away from them does not give you more* etc. I have had many a discussion about it, as for the most part even though you may treat someone as if they are unique and love them that way, it is possible to live in denial still behaving in many ways as if you are single, making all those decisions on your own, and although of course you do not mean to hurt the one you care for and in your mind you have made it so clear to them that they are the one you love and want to be with --- you end up hurting what you have.
- what I am wondering is - when you love someone, and you decide to share your life with them, and be with them, then I believe that you put their best interests and feelings above your own, asking them what they think and feel about your feelings, and accordingly, not acting on or verbalizing them if need be - out of love for the one you care for, because that is in essence what being with someone is, it is saying that their love and companionship is worth more to you than that of everyone else and your own personal desires - I believe the fact of the matter is that it must be that way in order for both to feel respected, trusted and secure. -
All that is left to do is pick myself up and try again.
.
It has been quiet in here, and for no other reason than; the absence of sufficient time to kill.
Let me tell you that I have as of last time something was left said on here gone ice skating! (third time in my life) Me and any kind of skates never seem to work well, but I survived (did not fall once) and even got a picture of me smiling.
Valentines Day is quickly approaching and I will most likely be absent for the occasion but I do want to say something about this fine day. Though I find myself facing a unique challenge; that of celebrating this event with the proverbial -hands tied behind my back- ; I will not let this steal the joy that comes from the sincere, genuine magic that lies in the heart. Expressions of love may on this day come attached with chocolates, (which I will have) fine bottles of wine (which I shall not have) and many other joyful activities (all in due time mig), but the one thing that will make this day unique, will be the sound of the voice that can only be heard in the heart, the one that tells you to love the best way you know how.
To those of you who have your hands and can use them, never minds your hands; to those of you who have the courage to listen to your heart … Hear Hear: Let not love die with the occasion, nay, I say let it ignite a flame, burn on continuously, and if need be rekindle what you feel slipping away. But most importantly, let love speak through you, let its voice be heard, carry its echo through your eyes and in your smile. Learn to listen in those moments of silence when nothing is left unsaid and everything is felt.
Think of the one word that makes you smile and say it over, again and again.
Muna :)
- a soon coming end to the winter of wonderland, for in more ways than one has Narnia been my abode.
- a haze at first, I now see that with time the colors of the sky are once again bleeding into each other - somewhere in the stillness I sense the inaudible voice of light whisper:
- yet a little while -
no longer broken, for the fragments that once were have been smashed to smithereens - no longer splinters of the frame that held my illusions, for they too have risen in flames - the fire of acceptance.
- and all these which I feared to be remnants and shadows forever to haunt have instead returned from whence they came and do now exist as invisible entities whose pulsating presence breathe life to this ever changing heart.
- though once I waited, there is no longer reason to prolong or delay, for all this is indeed nothing more than the beginning of that which is to be.
- that which is now, that which has been, and that which I will choose.
- Can love and time coexist or are they destined to be forever at odds?
- Is love not subject to time or is time which is indifferent to love?
- no matter -
- I say one cannot have one without the other, more so, that the acceptance of the limitations which time does represent in this mortal realm and the realization that these be but for a season, is once again nothing more than the first step to beginning a journey of discovery.
- love in this life.
- to seek out or let myself be found by that which is destined to live on forever, is a journey I intend not to miss.
- elude? what for? -
- I shall enjoy every step of the way.
Feliz Navidad everyone.
New Year --- here we come.
May 5th, 2005
Thank you for you love compadre, it has been a while I know. Listen Jesus, I wanted to talk a little bit about what happened yesterday and try to speak my heart. You know how I was hoping to run into her online? You know how much I think about her and especially how this last week she has been in my thoughts. The thing is that once I did, I wasn't sure what to say and apparently I hardly ever say the appropriate thing. I want so badly to reach out to her, to say something that will encourage her, but it seems I get absorbed into this attitude of wanting to hear her say something definite now, I let my feelings overcome me and end up saying the first thing that comes to mind without praying or even stopping to fully consider her current circumstance.
It is almost like I carry an attitude of needing to hear her say something that will give me hope. I know this is wrong and I need Your help to change this. I know that it really is not that hard to trust You about her, to have faith and not worry that You are in control and are there with her and are no doubt being faithful to speak to her heart. I know it is senseless to worry or think that there is something that I can do to make it easier or whatever ... it is easy to see this once I am calm and composed.
You know that this whole situation has been hard for me; I know that this has been hard for her too, perhaps not so much in letting things go, as in my case, but rather in embracing the future, she is full of uncertainty and has questions in her mind that she has difficulty formulating. I am having a hard time embracing the future as well; my questions may be different in that I do not understand why.
The good thing was that she sounded happy ... she seems to have a gift for staying positive about things, many a times she helped to pull me out of slumps and was more of an encouragement than she will ever know. I know our relationship was far from perfect, many doomed it to defeat from day one, but I know that you allowed us to be together to help us stretch our faith, to help us open our eyes and for me, to make me vulnerable in order to learn what love really is. I have come to see this separation as a blessing, a difficult blessing but nonetheless one that has allowed me to rise above and come out of the selfish little world I lived in.
To be honest I feel like I am failing a little bit more everyday in what it is You are asking of me. You know all of my thoughts but it seems to help me when I get it all out. Thank you for listening. Jesus, please ease this pain, please remove my feelings, I cannot carry this anymore, I know I've never had to and I have brought this on myself but I cannot help having those moments when I feel like my heart is constantly screaming in silence and my thoughts are confined to worry, uncertainty and sadness.
My life has been so blessed, so full of love, I have no room to complain, your love has overwhelmed me ... I am not asking you to help me feel as if I will never need anyone or anything again either; I know that as long as I have you I will be fine, but I am asking you to please rewire me, do away with me presets, my desires and anything that may not be in line with what is Your will for me.
I love her Lord, she is like a permanent water mark that appears to be invisible, unnoticed to the eye, seeming to be erased until that moment when my heart is squeezed the tears flow and the truth could never be more obvious. If it is your will for that mark to remain as a constant reminder, then please give me your supernatural love so I can wear the scar boldly ... and then let me forget about myself and turn to the needs of others. Take away my selfishness in wanting to hold onto this and make me the blessing that I need to be.
Please also do look after her heart. Keep it in your care, give her the desires of her heart and help her to find the peace and happiness she seeks. Give her faith to hear Your voice and to set aside her own thoughts, fears concerns and worries. Help her to be faithful to call out to You and in those moments she feels her faith wavering to seek Your word.
I will not be redundant, thanks for understanding. If you have anything to say, you know how much I treasure your advice, counsel and encouragement ... I am listening.
The human heart is a beautiful thing. It is the place within your temple where the physical and spiritual meet. It is your sanctuary. I designed it so that it could be filled with My love. Nothing else can fill that space. You know how it is said that there is a constant struggle between your heart and mind? Well rest assured I hold the key to your heart, once you have asked Me to come in I never leave you.
Sometimes it seems like you are alone, when you allow the cares of this life, its worries its fears, uncertainties and seemingly paramount concerns cloud your perception, when you lose sight of why it is you have been given the greatest gift of all; the opportunity to live a life of love. You know, it seems unnatural to be genuinely unselfish, to prefer others needs, the happiness and love of others to your own hurt, it is not easy. Your flesh longs to make its self happy, to soak up all the beauty this world has to offer. This in its self is not wrong. I want you to be happy, but there comes a time when you have seen the needs of others and when I ask you to take the love you have for Me a step further and allow Me to use you, allow Me to make you more than just a recipient of my love.
It is more blessed to give than to receive. Because as you know, all the beauty of this life, all the joy it has to offer, the love you now in this physical realm will never be enough. These are the moments that count, this is when that struggle is takes on a vivid form and you are faced with decisions that fulfill your destiny.
You have to choose to answer the call. Remember that I love you, just you --you stand before me alone and I know you like no other. The ones you hold dear, they stand alone before Me as well, they belong to Me, I will not let them go either --- you have to trust Me on this. The greatest manifestation of your love for them is recognizing that your love will never be enough and doing what you can to help them come to know Me intimately.
Let go --- do not hold back --- empty yourself ---
Be happy! Cut the drama! Forget about you and think about others.
Pray, yes, but then act as if I have already taken care of it, because I have! Smile! Laugh! Look ahead and do not live in shadows of fear.
You will be alright. I promise that you will look back and see that the heartache is a small price to pay for the happiness to be found in trusting Me and finding the peace you long for.
Now give Me a hug and let our tears of joy wipe away the fear and frustration. Remember that the here and now is not forever and beyond, but deeds of love and kindness, those live on forever.
Have you ever found yourself thinking... Why?
Not who or when or how ... just why.
Why do we need people back?
Is there an answer to why?
Do you wonder why you wait?
Why you hope you dream of it?
Why it will not go away?
Why it hides deep down?
No matter what the cause for waiting, the imagination that formed and brought the dreams you have will also cause them to disappear ... or will it? This also is driving me up the wall.
I don't know why ... but I believe in feeling and what it means to believe.
So, one more time around ...
Are you waiting?
Maybe...?
Comforting to know I'm not the only one that's crazy... this guy was too.
*****************************************
Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.
And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
--The Prophet, Love --
Gibran Khalil Gibran (1883-1931)
Yesterday's post title: " to sleep with open eyes/eyes wide open".
Some days, weeks, sometimes even months can feel that way. It happened to me not too long ago. Some people never do figure out when they're awake, they never think they will be able to... others live dreaming of the day they will awaken while others still don't believe in dreams altogether.
Which are you?
Are you dreaming or sleeping awake?
and then there are...
The Mayan language has once again gripped me, would you believe that I even attempetd to learn it at some point? In any case, I've had the dictionaries for quite some time now and have recently decided to give them a look ... fascinating language.
For those of you who may not know... "beuribe" means "moonshine" or the "moon's glow" in Mayan... that one stuck with me years ago... but you will discover that I am beginning to incorporate a lot more of the Mayan culture's phrases and thoughts in my every day language...
For example; I have decided that I will no longer simply say "I love you" to those I care for, not that the phrase "I love you" is in itself incomplete or inadequate... but perhaps I am just tired of feeling frustrated that people I express this to don't seem to understand what I am trying to convey and often opt for interpreting those beautiful three words as whatever current cliche or predetermined ideology comes to mind or suits their fancy .
I will now say to you special people; inlakesh.
I will have to explain what that means some other time but all that to say that
if you see odd words in here from time to time, fear not, I haven't gone crazy...
Táak in wenel-- (I'm sleepy)
Airport… arrival * introduction * impression * reservation * rejection * connection * separation * desperation * reunion…
Came together … stepped out * family* hesitation* resistance * frustration* tears * hurt * struggle* fear * relief * share * laugh * trust * confide * acceptance * letting her in…
Going away… realize * care * distance * sacrifice* communicate * mistake * hurt* change * challenge * difficult * friends * new * bond * smile * honesty * reflection * blur…
…*Wonderful*…
…*Mistakes*…
Changed… emotion * distortion* attempt * adjust* question * assertion * departure * confusion* a distance is born…
Selfless … good intention * intercession * family * mother * pretence * meet another * love * denial * acceptance * affirmation * excitement * confide * dream * decide…
Everything changes… absence * ascertain * heartbreak * acceptance* letting her go …
Reminiscence… recollection… memories… best of wishes
Have a good time at the parade.
