bubble burst  

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Man - it had been a long time since I had felt like someone took all the thoughts I wanted to acknowledge as my own and put them into the words I struggled to grasp but just could not find.

I am writing this one down.

It is expressed with such simplicity and sincerity that it is almost painful to acknowledge that the truth has been staring at me all along.

- I believe I feel the same way regarding love in that I will always love those I have loved and not think it odd - I have not closed myself off to it even though at times I have tried, I have realized that that is what I am like. However, I know that I have hurt others who had a real hard time with that mentality; the *I love everyone different, the love I have for so and so is completely different and taking away from them does not give you more* etc. I have had many a discussion about it, as for the most part even though you may treat someone as if they are unique and love them that way, it is possible to live in denial still behaving in many ways as if you are single, making all those decisions on your own, and although of course you do not mean to hurt the one you care for and in your mind you have made it so clear to them that they are the one you love and want to be with --- you end up hurting what you have.

- what I am wondering is - when you love someone, and you decide to share your life with them, and be with them, then I believe that you put their best interests and feelings above your own, asking them what they think and feel about your feelings, and accordingly, not acting on or verbalizing them if need be - out of love for the one you care for, because that is in essence what being with someone is, it is saying that their love and companionship is worth more to you than that of everyone else and your own personal desires - I believe the fact of the matter is that it must be that way in order for both to feel respected, trusted and secure. -

All that is left to do is pick myself up and try again.


miss them already  

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Mom was in town for the birth and it happened to coincide with Ez' b-day. We went out for tacos... one of those moments where things are as they should be, spent with the ones you care about.

But these two...

Well, you know how you sometimes forget to tell those you love all the little things you admire and adore about them thinking that tomorrow will be a more appropriate time to say what you feel?

Yup, I did it again.

Good thing they're not too far.

He had a Happy birthday, 21; and to think there was a time when I called him the little brother. heh.

and she... I miss that smile, the one that glows even through the tears. I love that lady. Will be crashing her place soon.

and this one...

well it doesn't matter what I'm doing.. if she's there, I am always smiling.

the little guy  

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He's almost a week old and he's beautiful. 32 hours of labor (6 of pushing), I got home just in time to see the birth. I cried. To witness the miracle of a new life entering this world is simply overwhelming.

He's about an hour old here.

La vida es bella.